Day 9

Craisins make a very poor substitute for Oreos. Today is Sunday - and I took the day of rest! Not that an excuse is what I am about to give you, because it isn't, but I just didn't feel very much like shaking my thang and walking with Leslie. So there - if you hate me now - well, sucks for you. I knew I had to write today, remember my youngest sister threatens me if I don't - so here I sit, eating out of a Sam's size bag of Craisins, trying to convince myself that I do not want a bowl of ice cream, or a few oreos, or a good milkshake, or any other of those things I used to so much enjoy. Wanna here a funny story, no? Oh, well, too bad - I am gonna tell you anyway. The other night I had to make a run to the grocery store for some very nonessential essentials (you know you do it too).  As I was walking through the aisles grabbing celery and milk, I decided that for my son's sake I would get the ingredients to make what we call Frog Pie. It is in fact Key Lime pie, and usually my favorite. But this time I was making it solely for my son, because it is his favorite too! I bought the limeade, the fat free condensed milk, the fat free cool whip, the reduced fat crust and headed home. Feeling slightly smug about the "fat free" dessert I was going to make and then consume 1/2 of , I headed to the check out. 

Now this isn't the point of the story (do I ever have a point to my stories?) but it is a bit interesting, and for your sake I will jump to the funny part: the 22 year old cashier had an eye problem - apparently my chest in that horrid orange sweater you saw me wearing (yes! YES! YeS! that horrid outfit I posted pictures of - that exact one - that one that showed every roll from here to eternity) had some strange pull on his eyes, and instead of offering to help bag my groceries as I scanned them, he found every scrap of paper in my cart and managed to pick at it while singing along to Natasha Bedengfield's Pocket Full of Sunshine. WHAT!?!? I know you didn't just follow that, I barely did as I read it back to myself, so here I go again: The 22 year old cashier stood and stared (while singing) at my breasts for a good 10 minutes! I was shocked. I mean, I was in that orange outfit - I knew what I looked like....did he?

I called up skinniest and shared the story with her, she just laughed and said, "Well you do have nice breasts. Its only going to get worse when you loose all of your weight. You will have that perfect hour glass figure that every woman wants." Almost laughing with hysteria at the thought of myself in a hourglass, I just said, "Thanks." and hung up. 

Nikki, the point, please? 

Oh, that's right, I had a point. Here it is: I made that pie, I did fix myself 1/2 of it to consume in one sitting, (I considered taking a picture to show you), I took one bite, and threw all the rest down the sink. So now, here I sit, eating Craisins like I love them, and thinking about the pie that only weeks ago would have made me so happy, but now only makes me sad. Darn you Skinny Girl - why won't you eat!?!?

It seems to me that once you really commit to something, your mind, your psyche, your spirit, whatever you like to call it, takes over. I am in it now - I can't drink soda, I feel guilty when I don't exercise, and instead of chowing down on Oreos and milk, I choose to eat Craisins. Don't look now, but my skinny girl is starting to have a say, and my fat girl is getting mad!

Ending thought:

The baby rises to its feet, takes a step, is overcome with triumph and joy - and falls flat on its face. It is a pattern for all that is to come! But learn from the bewildered baby. Lurch to your feet again. You'll make the sofa in the end. 
-- Pam Brown