Days 14 until today, which I believe, is Day 16?

Does anyone realize that I skipped over the monumental 2 week mark? Oh, you did? Well, good for you. Remember the post before this one, no, not the picture post, but the word post? Yes, now that you have scrolled down to remind yourself... I said that I hadn't been working out and that I  had spent more time with the back of my eyelids than I had with Leslie - turns out I had/have pneumonia and doctor's orders are to take it easy for a week or so....I must say he was either very surprised that I was the exercising type or my lung must have been pretty bad b/c when I asked him if I could still workout his eyeballs did that cartoon bulge and he said (in a very throaty sexy Southern accent) "Um, no. I would take about a week and let your lung heal. It isn't a good idea to try and work it so hard when it is all red, and inflamed, and...." I must say, after I heard the word "week" I drifted into a happy oblivion and just nodded my head. But, not wanting to disappoint my readers, and to possibly give you something to laugh about, I must tell the story about how I came to find out I had said pneumonia. 

Okay, so being quite poor, and by "quite" I mean, straight up I ain't kidding, we ain't got NO money poor, we are currently the grateful beneficiaries of the State's medical benefits. (for all those who still don't get it - we use Medicaid). Being new to Medicaid, and not wanting to cause problems on my first date of service, I called the 800 number to inquire just which doctor I should use. To cut some of the story I was told to just go to the ER. Now, growing up the ER was always a place for emergencies - you know, car accidents that threaten life, fingers that seem to be gushing blood b/c of a pairing knife incident, the inability to breathe, the unexplained passing out incident followed by a slight seizing motion , (yes, I have been/visited the ER for all these reasons) but not because of a chest cold. So I felt a little silly when I walked in, no broken bones, no blood, no neurological issues, and said, "I need to see a Dr." The nurse looked me up in the system, and then handed me a package. Seriously - I got a package containing my own personal hand sanitizer, package of tissue, and a nice yellow mask. "This isn't for you," she said, "Its for my safety - please put it on before you step into the triage area."

Okayyyyy, I thought. It seems the hospital is now taking new measures to make sure germs aren't spread....not only did I get my own personal quarantine package, but I got to keep the blood pressure cuff. YES! Just what I wanted! A Blood Pressure Cuff! When I got in the room I was instructed to remove everything from the waist up: "Including your bra, please, and any necklaces." 

So I did - I removed it all and put on my hospital gown - which, sadly I did not get to keep. But for arguments sake, wouldn't giving me my own gown to take home also help with the spread of germs??? If I had my choice I would much rather take the gown home, than the quarantine package, but it was nice to be able to cough without worrying about covering my mouth in time. 

Well - I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Finally, Dr. Dreamy walked in and as soon as I heard him say, "Hi. My name is Rymon Wilborn. I'll be your Dr. What exactly is going on today?" in the most attractive, most deep Southern accent, I was hooked. That man could have asked me to do pretty much anything: hop on one foot, touch your toes, pat your head while rubbing your belly, step on a scale.....and I probably would have done it. After he listened to my chest and had me breathe all kinds of funny ways, in out slow, in out fast, in out slow and then fast, in fast and out slow, he proposed an X-ray. I believe his exact words were something along the lines of, "I just don't want to miss anything here." I concurred and then waited. 

The next knock on the door wasn't exactly who I thought it would be. Was it the X-Ray Tech? No - it was the nurse who gave me my package - "We need to move you to another room, we have a critical patient who is requiring this space." Well, the way she worded it I wanted to retort back that I was a patient to, and I "required the space" but the look on her face and her use of the word "critical" made me think that my smart alec comments were best kept to myself. So where did they move me? Oh nowhere - other than the room they use for crying hysterical family members of critical patients. Now - at this point of the story, nothing would please me more than to inform you that said crying hysterical members of the critical patient who stole my room were in the room with me, but sadly it was only me and Dora. Which reminds me, I never did find out whose b-day it was on that episode - great, now I have to youtube it!

After waiting for what seemed like forever, a different nurse came to get me so that I could have my x-ray done. I was placed in the broom closet next to the nurses station and sat for I don't know how long - the broom closet didn't have a clock - but it was a broom closet so a clock wouldn't have been necessary - and waited. 

I got bored, so I opened the door and began to listen to the nurses. Ever seen ER, ever heard of ER, a weekly soap opera, um, medical drama, that revolved more around the personal lives of the doctors than the actual patients, and by personal lives I mean, sex lives - ringing a bell??? Yes, I suddenly thought about all those patients for all those seasons....what must it have felt like to be waiting for a DR only to know they were out at the desk, trying to get a date and/or hook-up. I knew what it felt like - how do I know - b/c I was waiting for an X-ray and subsequently a discharge, while I watched this male nurse saunter over to the desk, chest puffed out, strutting like a peacock, and just as I suspected there was a little nurse, who jumped out of her seat and ran to hug him, exclaiming, "Where have you been its been so long since I've seen you!" Then she sat at the desk and assumed the "engaged" position - played with her hair and face, while he assumed the "attack" position and spoke of stupid things all the while stroking his own face and hair. UGH! I was disgusted - it was so obvious what they were both thinking, body language says it all, at that moment I wanted nothing more than to be Carrie, walking through the ER causing fear in the hearts of the staff. 

I sat and watched those 2 nurses, while I waited for my X-ray, and thought up a scene nice enough to be played on any medical drama today!

To make this post longer I could describe it to you, but I am sorry to say your own imagination will have to suffice. I did get the X-ray, I did get discharged, and I got my own personal blood pressure cuff and quarantine package (but no gown). 

As for the rest of the week, well, I am on a hiatus as far as skinny girl goes. I did get some good news though - I might just be able to finish up my degree online after all. 

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Bill Cosby